Objects of Desire - I

Wednesday, September 29, 2010 at 12:31

         As I mentioned before, soon after learning about masturbation I started exploring different ways to masturbate and different objects with which to masturbate.

        The first object was the one that practically “taught” me to masturbate: My pillow.
        When I was around 7 or 8 I started waking up in the morning with my pillow between my thighs. I suppose I instinctively discovered that squeezing it between my thighs was pleasant and was doing it during sleep. Of course, after it happened a few times I started doing it consciously and became addicted to it.   
           Every morning I would wake up and hump my pillow before getting off bed.
           In that period I still didn’t have orgasms yet but nevertheless it was very pleasant to rub my pussy against the soft pillow and squeeze it between my thighs.

         And then whenever I was home alone I would go around the house looking for new ways to masturbate.

         Of course, at that age I wasn’t penetrating my vagina while masturbating. I didn’t even know that was possible. I still had no idea it was sex related or even what was sex. I only knew that I loved that sensation.
         So, the next one that I tried was the soft upholstered arm of the couch in the living room. Whenever my parents were away and I was home alone I would go hump the couch’s arm.

         The center table in the living room had leather covered round corners so I tried that too. I would crouch on the corner of the table with my hands on the table top to support my weight and rub my panty covered clit on the round corner. It wasn’t as pleasant as the pillow or the couch’s arm but it was good for some variation.

         The next method that I discovered was the shower head.
          I’ve always felt a tingling sensation whenever I was showering myself and the water jet would hit the area around my clit. But now I was actively searching for new ways to masturbate so the shower jet was inevitable.

         Once I started playing with it my shower time became longer and longer until my parents started complaining that I was taking too long to shower.

         After I reached puberty and started having my periods I got into the habit of washing my panties while showering and I discovered yet another method for masturbation: I would wrap my panties into a ball and rub it against my clit while showering. The mix of hot water running on my body and the soft fabric of the panties rubbing against my clit was very erotic and gave me very good orgasms.

         Now that I am 28 and have sex quite often I don’t use pillows, couch arms or center tables anymore. But I still play with the showerhead from time to time.


Sunday, July 18, 2010 at 18:57

          I used to look forward for those weekends when my parents were out visiting my grandparents in the country. As soon as they left I would go to the backyard get my treasure box, bring it to my bedroom and spend the whole weekend in sexual bliss.

         Until I got those magazines I thought the only positions for sex were doggie (because I've seen animals doing it) and missionary (because I've seen photos of girls laying down on their backs with legs spread.)          

         But now with these new magazines I could see how many different positions were possible and I would get so horny looking at them! I would fantasize about them, looking at the photos and imagining it was me, putting myself in the same positions and masturbating.

         Laying down on my back and spreading my legs imagining there was a man between them while rubbing my pussy. 
         Standing up and leaning over my desk with one leg on it and rubbing my pussy from behind.         
         On my fours, imaging there was a man kneeling behind me, with his hands on my hips and rubbing my pussy with my hand between my legs.        
         Kneeling on the floor and bending over on the bed, imagining a man behind me and leaning over me...      

          On my knees, spreading my legs wide open, with a pillow between my legs, imagining the pillow is a man, my hand between the pillow and my pussy...

         There were so many different positions and all of them seemed so exciting and made me so horny. But my favorites were the ones that allow me to spread my legs wide open and move my hips in circles as these positions made me feel very sexy and gave me the best orgasms.

          Those magazines supplied me with fantasies for years. I think I had fantasies for every single photo in each of those magazines. And I couldn't wait for the day I would be doing it for real with a man.

At My Fingertips

Thursday, July 1, 2010 at 22:38
         I fell in love with those magazines. Full of beautiful color photos of beautiful people doing beautiful things.

          I used to masturbate several times a day looking at them. In the morning before I got off of bed, in the afternoon as soon as I got home from school and before sleeping. In fact whenever I was home alone I would masturbate looking at those beautiful photos.

          In the weekends when my parents would go visit my grandparents in the country I would tell them that I have a lot to study so I would stay home alone the whole weekend. As soon as they left I would go to the backyard, get my treasure box and bring it to my bedroom. Then I would select some of the magazines, open them in the pages with the best photos and put them around the bed so that wherever I looked I would see couples fucking in those beautiful positions and then masturbate for hours, stopping only to eat and sleep.

         One day I was laying on my back with my legs spread wide open, my knees bent a little, forming an M. I started teasing my pussy by flicking my finger on my lips. And then from time to time I would slip the tip of my middle finger between the lips, teasing the opening of my vagina. On each time the finger would go just a little deeper to give me a new sensation. It was a new kind of exploration: Rubbing my lips. Finger slips through the lips, touching the entrance. Feels good. Keep rubbing the lips. Let finger tip slip in again. Hmmm…. Good. Keep rubbing lips. Fingertip slips in again. This time a little deeper. Mmmmm…. Even better. I want more. I keep rubbing. Let’s see if it gets better if I slip a little deeper. Oh yes. It IS better!

         I figured that as I already determined that I have no hymen, I guess there’s no point in avoiding being penetrated as there’s already no proof that I am a virgin. So I suppose it is safe to insert my finger.

         But I don’t want to go all the way at once. I want to enjoy the exploration. I slip my fingertip in again, just a little deeper to give me a new sensation. Oh, this is sooo good! I want more! I let it slip in just a little deeper. Yes… this feels great! I try wriggling my finger inside. Mmmmm…. New sensations. I can’t resist anymore. I insert my finger slowly, wriggling it all the way in. It feels sooo good to be touched where I’ve never been touched before. I feel the finger going in, tight, hot, wet. The sensation is so good, so erotic. I wriggle my finger around. Mmmm… so good! I start pulling my finger out. Slowly. Enjoying the sensation of my finger slipping out. When the finger come completely out I feel my pussy closing and it gives me a small spasm. I take the finger up and smell it. Mmmmm it smells so good and it makes me hornier. I taste it. It is so good that I can’t resist and suck on my finger like on a sweet candy. I take my hand down again and rub my clit and my lips again. And then I start inserting my finger in again. The first contact of the finger tip to the entrance also causes me a small spasm. My pussy wants it again. I start pushing my finger in. Enjoying the sensation caused by every single millimeter  that goes in. When my finger is completely inside I stop and let it stay there. Unmoving. Just enjoying the sensation of having something inside my vagina. It feels so good. After looking at those porn magazines for a long time and wondering how does it feel, I finally am having a glimpse of the sensations that I will feel when a man penetrates me.

         After some time I start wriggling my finger. It feels so good that my hips involuntarily start moving in circles, amplifying the feeling even more. Then I start moving my finger out and when it’s almost completely out I push it in again, slowly. Oh this feels so good! I repeat it a few times and then my body wants it faster. I start moving my finger in and out faster. My body wants more pleasure and makes my hips move again. This time up and down. Moving up when my finger is going down and moving down when my finger is going up. I just can’t control my body anymore. It’s doing whatever it takes to get more pleasure. My hips move faster, my hand moves faster. I can’t stop it anymore. And I don’t want to. I can feel the orgasm building. And it comes faster than I thought. And then… My muscles all go tense. I throw my head back and hold my breath. I can feel shivers and my skin full of goose bumps. My finger starts to wriggle and my hips move in circles. It is so strong and so long that I think I will pass out from holding my breath for so long. Finally my muscles relax enough to let me breathe. My heart is pumping hard and my breathing is so heavy that I moan quite loud: “Ahnnn Ahnnnn Ahhnnn…” in rhythm with my breathing.

         The sensations are so intense that I feel dizzy. 
         But I want more...

The Porn Stash

Sunday, June 27, 2010 at 00:33
          I kept going to the woods from time to time, hoping I would catch a glimpse of a couple fucking or just to masturbate hidden in the shelter. Just thinking that couples use to fuck in that place and maybe a few minutes ago there was one fucking right there used to make me horny. I would enter the shelter and imagine myself there with a man. I would raise my skirt and take off my panties and spread my legs for him and let him insert his cock and move until I had a big orgasm. Or sometimes I would imagine he was taking me on my fours. I would masturbate accordingly with the position.
          But one day, one of my trips to the shelter in the woods became another major turning point in my secret life.
          Until then I had never seen real porn. The most I had seen were the magazines with nude girls that I had found in my father's wardrobe. And those showed only naked or semi naked single girls. Most of them showed only nude in shy poses. Only a few of them showed completely naked girls exposing their pussies.
          As usual, I approached the place with caution, in case there was someone there. Through the foliage I saw some color inside the shelter. I stopped walking to not make any noise. There wasn’t any noise or movement inside the place. I took courage and walked around to see inside. There was no one there. But on the ground there were some magazines. Porn magazines!
          I was surprised. That moment marked me so much that I still remember vividly the cover of the first magazine that I saw. It had a light purple colored cover, the title was Color Climax and the photo of a pretty blonde girl with short straight hair on her fours over an elaborately ornamented gold armchair and a man penetrating her from behind (if this description is familiar to you and you happen to have or know where to find scans of this magazine, please let me know). You could see the cock penetrating her pussy very explicitly. It was the first time in my life that I was seeing something like that. My heart was pounding so hard that I was afraid someone could hear it from the road.
          The first thing that stroke me was how beautiful that photo was. She was on her fours over the arms of the chair, her ass up in the air, her head back, eyes closed with an expression of pleasure on her face. The man was holding her hips, pulling her towards him and pleasure on his face also. The second thing was more of a shock. I didn’t know that a man’s cock was THAT big!! It was scary! I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to take such a big thing inside me! I thought: OMG! Will I never be able to have sex? Will I spend the rest of my life just masturbating? But the look of pleasure on her face soon assured me that it is not painful, on the contrary. So I calmed down and just enjoyed the view.
          And that was just the first magazine. There were 14 in there on the ground of the shelter. I was so curious to see them that I wish I could see them all at the same time. Each one had photos more beautiful than the previous one. Yes, to me those photos looked beautiful. And I still think that photos of couples and even groups fucking are beautiful. With the exception of those of very bad taste or those depicting extreme acts, I think porn is beautiful.
          I was flicking through the pages like crazy, wanting to see all photos at the same time. I was excited, my hands were trembling, my knees were powerless, my heart pounding, my pussy wet.
          I sat down on the ground inside the shelter and started rubbing my pussy through my panties while looking at the photos. I needed to masturbate. I chose one photo to masturbate to: it was a very pretty young girl, long blonde hair. She was seated on a table or desk. In one page she was spreading her legs and spreading her pussy lips with her hands, offering her pussy. In the next page an older man with gray hair and gray mustache was between her legs penetrating her. She had her eyes closed and that expression of pleasure on her face. I laid down, spread my legs, put my hand inside my panties and masturbated to orgasm looking at those two photos.
         I took another magazine and when I found some specially beautiful photos I did it again. And again with the next magazine. I was in heaven.
         Then I realized it was becoming late. It was getting dark. I had to go. But what about the magazines? Who left them there? Will he come back for them? They seemed abandoned like they were there for days, the pages a little wrinkled and damp (from the dew! Not from something else!!). I couldn’t leave them. I put them all in my school bag and went practically running home. When I arrived my mother was already home. I entered and went straight to my bedroom and locked the door. I took the magazines from my school bag and put them under the bed. Then I went to the kitchen and found some plastic bags. I came back to my room, locked the door, took a biscuits tin can that I was using to keep my photos, postcards, letters and other things and emptied it. I took the magazines from under the bed. Chose one of them and put it under my pillow. Then I took the rest and wrapped in a plastic bag. Then I put the bundle in a bigger plastic bag and closed it with a knot and put them in the tin can. I checked to see that my mother was absorbed watching TV, went back to my room, took the box and went to the backyard. Behind the yard shed there was a big pile of bricks. I took some bricks down, put the box there and covered it with the bricks that I had taken down. My treasure was hidden and safe.
         Yes, it was my treasure. In that period our country was just fresh out of communism and you couldn’t find that kind of magazines for sale in news stands. You could find them only in the black market and I suppose they cost a little fortune. So how did they end up in the woods? I don’t know. Maybe some ex-party official had them and his wife found out and he had to get rid of them. He threw them out, some kid found them in the garbage but couldn’t take them home, fearing his parents, he then took them to the woods, did what he had to do with them there and abandoned them.
         Anyway, I went back to my room, locked the door and masturbated looking at the magazine that I had kept until dinner time. After dinner I went back to my room to masturbate more and I did it until I fell asleep.
         That magazine, which I used to keep hidden inside a science book in my bookshelf, kept me entertained for days until I got bored of masturbating to the same photos over and over again. Then I went to the backyard and exchanged it for the next one. And so on. When I was done masturbating to all of them I would start from the first one again. They were my drug and my treasure.

In the Woods

at 00:28
         When I was around 13-14 my school was close to some woods. My house was beyond the woods so me and some of my friends used to take a shortcut through the woods to go to and back from school.

         One day at school I overheard the conversation of some of the older boys in school. They said that from time to time there are couples who go to the woods to fuck.

         Just the idea of couples fucking in the woods made me horny and since that day I started fantasizing and masturbating thinking of it.

         Some time later I was in class and through the window of my class I could see a man walking towards the woods. Then at one point he looked around to check if no one was seeing him and left the road and entered the woods through some bushes.

         Then about 15 or 20 minutes later I saw a girl walking the same way and entering the woods in the same place. My heart started pounding. They are going to fuck!

         I could barely wait to the end of the classes. I gave some excuse to my friends saying I would have to stay a little more at school, so that they would go without me. Then I waited a few impatient minutes until all the people who take the shortcut through the woods left. When I saw that no one else was going that way I went towards the woods and entered in the same spot that I saw the couple entering. There was a trail of trampled grass that I could follow. My heart was pounding. Then among some dense bushes and trees I saw a shelter, made of bushes and branches. Like a small tent. I approached carefully. But when I could see inside there was no one there. Of course, the couple knows what time the school ends and they know that after school there will be students walking nearby so they left before it. But there I was, in that shelter where just a few minutes earlier there was a couple fucking! I looked inside and imagined the girl laying down, her legs spread and the man between her legs, inserting his cock in her pussy. I got so horny that I couldn't resist. I laid down inside the shelter, spread my legs put my hand inside my panties and masturbated like crazy.

         Only a few years later I realized how stupid I had been. Obviously that place was frequented. A man could show up at any time there. And if I was caught there I could have been raped and I wouldn't have any defense. But what did I know? I was only 13 and very horny and those thoughts brought so much pleasure to me that I didn't imagine things like rape and forcing.

         After masturbating there I went home and masturbated a few more times in bed, fantasizing about that place. In my fantasy I would enter the woods and see a couple in the shelter. And I would watch them. I would see them kissing, the man caressing her legs, her breasts... I would see the girl raising her skirt, taking off her panties, spreading her legs, offering her pussy to the man. The man would then kneel between her legs and insert his cock in her pussy.

         I fantasized about this for several nights. And then it started to get more elaborated: the couple would realize that I was nearby watching. I would get scared and try to run but the girl would tell me not to worry, it's ok, I can watch if I want. She would invite me to come closer to watch. I would sit there watching them fucking until they had an orgasm. Then she would ask me if I wanted to try. I would nod yes and she would help me take her place In the shelter. I would lay down, raise my skirt, take off my panties and spread my legs. And the man would insert his cock in my pussy and move it until I had a strong orgasm.

         I masturbated for months on this fantasy.

My Sex Education

at 00:20
One day, when I was 12-13 I was, as usual, practicing my favorite activity: masturbation. I had one of my father's magazines with me in bed and I had my legs spread and my fingers flicking between my pussy lips when I noticed something strange. My fingers had turned red. I wiped them on a tissue paper and the paper turned red. I was bleeding. I panicked thinking that I had hurt myself as I feared. I took a hand mirror and tried to look at my pussy to see if I had cut or bruised myself there. I couldn't see anything. I spread my legs and spread my pussy lips as much as I could and noticed that a pink liquid was flowing from the inside. I tried to spread more but I couldn't see where it was coming from. I went to the bathroom and washed myself and my fingers. I returned the magazine to its place and laid down in bed, my heart pounding, worried that I had caused some damage with my masturbation addiction. 
  Of course, that was my first menstrual period. But at that age I had no idea what it was. And as I mentioned before, my parents were too prude, too traditional to talk about these things. 
  A few days later, when I arrived from school I noticed a couple of new books in my bookshelf in my bedroom. They were sexual education books.
  I think my mother had noticed some red stains on my panties when she did the laundry and as she knows I love to read and had read all the books in the house a few times over, she figured that if she sneaked some new books in my bookshelf I would end up reading them and saving her the burden of the embarrassing, intimate mom-daughter conversation. Well, I have to give credit to my mother for this. It was a clever solution. And as she predicted, I started reading it immediately and found the explanation to my bleeding. 
  I also found answers to many other questions that I had and to some questions that I didn't even know that I had.
  The books also became a source for more masturbation.
  Of course, looking back at me at that time it sounds silly that I was masturbating looking at a cross section of a penis penetrating a vagina. But in that time, as I didn’t even know that porn was possible, that was the only visual aid that I had for the act and it excited me a lot.
  I also read about virginity and its taboos, of which I knew nothing. And I found with much relief that I was lucky that I haven't inserted anything in my pussy. Not even a finger. Even though I wanted to. I don't know if I instinctively knew it was taboo or I was just lucky that I was dumb enough not to try. 
  Then I read about the hymen. And I didn't remember seeing something like that in my pussy. I panicked again. I grabbed the mirror and examined my pussy and found no sign of the hymen. More panic! Maybe I damaged it while masturbating. Maybe I inserted my finger without noticing. I kept reading the book and found out that some girls are born without it. I grabbed the mirror again and thought that if I had had a hymen and had damaged it, some pieces of it would remain attached to my pussy. So I concluded that I was born without. Phew! I felt relieved. And after reading about all the taboos associated with virginity and hymens, I hoped my first man will be understanding enough to believe that I was born without it.
  I also read a chapter about pregnancy and contraceptives and learned that fucking is much more complicated than just having pleasure. 
  Then there was the chapter about sexually transmitted diseases. Yes, sex was looking more and more complicated. I need a checklist before even starting.
  I also learned about other alternatives in sex: 

  Masturbation – Well, by then I was an expert on it.
  Oral sex – I didn't know about it and made me look at the dogs sniffing and licking each other's behinds and licking their own genitalia in a new way. But it sounds interesting. I imagined a man licking my pussy. It sounded weird at first but after getting used to the idea it became exciting. Then I imagined sucking a cock. Hmm. That sounded even more exciting. Strangely, months or years later when talking to other girls they went all “Yuck!” about girls performing oral sex to a man. I thought the idea exciting. And the book confirmed that if done with the right person and in the right conditions it is exciting for both partners.
  Anal sex – Wow! I never thought that was possible. It seems so tight. Maybe I must experiment a little.
  Group sex – I remembered those cats under my window. So it is indeed possible for a girl to have two (or even more!) men penetrating her. Exciting. Two or more couples fucking in the same room? Wow. Exciting.
  Homosexualism – Thanks, but not for me. I also started looking at those older girls who go to the bathroom together and spend an inordinate amount of time locked In there in a new way.
  BDSM – No thanks. Pleasure through pain? Come on. And I wouldn't be caught dead wearing those silly leather and latex clothes that look like Batman
There was also a chapter on prostitution. Wow. So there were women making a living out of all this sexual pleasure? Having sex all day? Wow.
Well, all in all I was happy that my mother chose this way to educated me in the sex subject. I learned much more from those books than if I just had a frank conversation with her or with my friends. And I learned much more than my friends knew about it too. Not that I had many friends. In that time I was already wearing glasses and most of the kids used to call me “four eyes” or other unflattering nicknames. 
In that period I was also reaching puberty earlier than the other kids in my neighborhood and school. I already had quite big breasts for that age, so the other girls looked at me like a kind of freak. And after reading those books I started to understand the looks that I was attracting form the older men.

On a side note, a few months ago my gynecologist told me that sexual activity and orgasms affect the hormonal balance of a woman’s body so I suppose that all that masturbation and orgasms helped me reach puberty earlier than others.

The Park Bench

at 00:16
         As I mentioned earlier, there was a park in front of my house. From my bedroom window I could see one of the park benches. This bench was surrounded by some bushes and it was kinda secluded from the park.  So it was a good spot for couples. But I could see it well from my window.
         Every night I used to keep an eye on that bench. I would turn off the light in my room and open just a slit on the window. If I stayed on my knees on my bed I could watch the couples making out. I would support my body with my left hand on the window and masturbate with my right hand and watch as well as I could for in that period, age 10 or 11, I was already starting to need glasses.
         Couples would stay there kissing. The men would caress the girl's legs or their breasts. Some girls would let them, some would try to prevent them. Some seemed willing, some annoyed. Some would act annoyed at first but in the end would let the men caress them. The willing ones would let the men put their hands under their skirt and rub their pussies and they would also put their hand inside the men's trousers and rub their cocks.
         I used to fantasize about it. Imagining that I would be doing this one day. How will I feel? Annoyed? Willing? It feels so good to touch my pussy. I would probably feel willing. How does it feel to kiss? It looks exciting. How would it be to touch a man's cock? Does it give the men the same pleasure? Everything seem to be exciting for me.

The Birds, The Bees, The Dogs...

at 00:11
         If before my first orgasm I was already masturbating a lot, now that I had the added benefit of the orgasm, I was completely addicted.  And I would get horny for the simplest reasons. I started getting horny whenever I saw couples kissing in the park or even in magazine advertising. 
         There was a park in front of our house and I used to come home through it after school. One day when walking through the park I saw two dogs acting very strange. At that age I had no idea what they were doing but of course, they were fucking. And somehow, even not knowing what it was about it made me instinctively horny. I sat down on a bench and tried to watch without being obvious that I was watching. I took out a book from my school bag and pretended to read while looking at the dogs with the corners of my eyes.
         The male was fumbling and trying to mount the female. Then I realized that the male was inserting his penis in the female's vagina! 
         It was like a revelation! I then realized why many of the girls in the magazines were photographed on their fours with their bottoms up! And why  some of them were spreading their legs and spreading their pussies: They were offering their pussies for the men to insert their penis!! The thought was frightening and exciting at the same time and it made me incredibly horny.
         I went home almost running. It was at least 2 hours before my parents came home from work so I went to their bedroom and took my dad's magazine, went to my bedroom, locked the door, took off my clothes and laid down on bed looking at the photos, masturbating, imagining how they would look like with a man. The girls on their fours with a man inserting his penis in her vagina from behind, the girls laying down spreading their legs with a man between them...
         I masturbated several times and just stopped because it was time for my parents to come home.

        Suddenly many things in the world started making sense. The cats that I used to think were fighting in the night, I bet they were fucking! The little red bugs that I use to see, connected by their “tails” and used to call “trailer bugs”... They were actually fucking!
         Trips to my grandparent's farm suddenly became more interesting!
When I realized what the animals were really doing, I started getting horny watching them whenever we went to visit my grandparents. Dogs, cats, insects, horses... They were all fucking! It seems there were sex everywhere I looked!
        I remember when I was little, I saw my uncles trying to make the horse mount a mare and I asked my mother what they were doing and she just snapped at me: “You shouldn't be asking these questions!” Well, now I know that they were trying to make the horse insert his penis in the mare's pussy. 
Why? I still didn't know. Maybe the mare needs some pleasure? (On a side note, I was lucky that I had seen the scene from far away and they were in a position in which I couldn't see the horse's penis. Otherwise, when I realized that the man's penis was supposed to go into the women's vagina I could have had a heart attack remembering the horse's size).
        I had a hiding place in the farm, a big vine bush, so dense that it looked impenetrable from the outside, but it was hollow in the inside. I used to play with my dolls there since I was very little. It was my hidden cave. Whenever I saw animals fucking. I would get horny and go to my hiding cave to masturbate. And I must have been a very horny little girl for even watching those red bugs fucking would make me horny and wanting to masturbate.

        A few years later, one night, when I was asleep in my bedroom in our house, I heard the cats meowing right under my window. I woke up to watch. I wouldn't pass an opportunity to get horny. Then I saw three cats. Two males and one female. The female was crouched watching the two males fighting. I thought they were fighting to see which one will take the female. Then after one of them was declared winner he went on to penetrate the female. But the other male stayed and watched the whole scene. And then, when the winner male finished, the looser take his turn fucking the female too!! They were not fighting to see who will fuck the girl. They were fighting to see who will fuck her first!! 
        That somehow made me even hornier and I started wondering if women also used to be penetrated by two men...

My First Orgasm

at 00:07
One day I found a new magazine in my father's wardrobe. This one was different. For the first time I saw the girls showing pussy. And this magazine made me even more excited as it showed the girls spreading their legs, spreading their pussies and masturbating, as I have been doing myself. I found out that I wasn't the only one doing this. And from the expression on their faces I also concluded that I wasn't the only one having pleasure doing it and I wasn't the only one who thought it should be done hidden. That relaxed and excited me at the same time.
  And those new poses were much more exciting. Until then the magazines that I had seen had only girls in shy poses, covering their pussies with their hand, most even covering their breasts. The new magazines had girls spreading their legs and spreading their pussy lips, as if they were offering their pussies and their breasts. Even though I still didn't know what it was all about and I didn't know anything about sex, those poses and the way the girls posed, offering their pussies, made me much more excited.
  And this increased excitement led me to my biggest discovery.

  One afternoon I was in bed looking at one of those magazines. One particular photo caught my attention. It was a very pretty blonde with very nice breasts, laying down on a bed, spreading her legs, with her knees a little flexed, her left hand fingers spreading her pussy lips and the middle finger of her right hand on her clit (of course, in that period I didn't know it was called "clit". I used to call it "the little button") and an expression of pure pleasure on her face. I put myself in the same position and spread my pussy lips as she was doing and started to rub my little button. At one point, the pleasant sensation started increasing, making me want to spread my legs even more. All that rubbing was starting to hurt my little button so I licked my fingers to lubricate them and concentrated my rubbing on the hood and the area around, not on the button itself because it is too sensitive. The pleasure was still increasing. My fingers started moving faster, in circular movements around the little button. And then... I felt like a force was taking charge of my body muscles. All my muscles contracted making me put my feet back on the bed and raise my pelvis up in the air. My right hand fingers were like pressing a release button. I  I held the air in my lungs and stopped breathing and threw my head back, my mouth open like in a silent scream, I felt heat covering my face, I was probably blushing and yet my body was shivering like it was cold. All the hairs in my body and head stood up in shivers and goose bumps. I stayed like that, unmovable, for a few seconds but it felt like a few minutes. My vision turned dark. I thought I was passing out. Then all my muscles relaxed and my body slumped back on the bed. My breathing came back and I started to moan. My body was shivering and spasming and my legs felt powerless like jelly.

I just had my first orgasm.

  Of course, in that time I had no idea what just happened.  First I panicked thinking that my fears had come true: I had hurt myself doing it, I got a disease! Then I thought that if it was a disease, it couldn't feel THAT good. Then I thought that if I'm sick and I'm feeling good then the sickness may not be physical, it is mental! I imagined myself being taken to the hospital. Then to a mental institution.
I had all these thoughts in just a fraction of a second. Or maybe it was all at the same time. I tried to calm down and think this over. And I thought that it was probably a freak accident and it may not happen again. Then after long deliberation I thought that there is only one way to find out. I was anxious and worried. Wishing to feel that intense pleasure and frightened that it may happen again. I continued flipping through the magazine. Other girls spreading their legs and touching their pussies, some spreading their pussy lips like offering their pussies for men to penetrate, with that expression of pleasure on their faces. If they do it and show it in magazines then it can't be a disease. I started getting excited again and started rubbing my pussy. I went back to that photo of the blonde girl spreading her legs and masturbating. I put myself in position again. After a few minutes that sensation came back and started growing. It was coming. I was afraid but wanted it at the same time. It was getting closer. It was too pleasant to stop. I wanted it. And it finally came. My muscles contracted, my head thrown back, my mouth open, shivers, spasms, goose bumps, heavy breathing and moaning. Nooo, this can't be sickness. This can't be a disease. It is so pleasant that it can only be good. Yes, it has to be something good. But then why do we have to keep it secret? I don't know. But I want more.

The Nude Magazines

at 00:02
One day when I was around 10 or 11, in one of my house explorations, I was looking for new places to masturbate and I decided to try it in my father's wardrobe. When I was trying to fit inside it, I stumbled upon something: My father had some men's magazines hidden there! It wasn't exactly porn. In that period our country was just coming out of the communist regime and finding real porn was almost impossible. Even those nude girls magazines that my dad had hidden there were very hard to find. They were probably contraband from one of the Scandinavian or Germanic countries, as I remember that I couldn't understand the text. Of course, fortunately the text was the last thing that we need from those magazines.
I started flicking through the pages, looking at the naked girls in sexy positions. The photos didn't even show pussy. The most they would show were breasts. No spreading legs positions yet. Most of them were shy positions like a girl was caught naked and trying to hide her pussy and breasts. The bolder ones were girls in their fours or holding their breasts to the camera, which were particularly interesting for me because my own breasts were starting to grow and attract an embarrassing amount of attention, especially for a shy girl like me. 
But even though those magazines were quite bland for today’s standards, they made me feel very horny in that time. Not that I am lesbian or bi and get excited looking at naked girls. I think the thought of those girls getting naked in front of the photographer and doing things that my mother would find completely disgusting made me feel horny. 
I took the magazine to the bed and masturbated looking at the photos. The pleasure of masturbation was even stronger and just made me want to do it more and more.
Now, whenever I was home alone I would go to my dad's wardrobe and take a magazine to my bed and masturbate looking at it, sometimes getting naked and putting myself on the same poses and looking at the mirror on the wardrobe door. 
Once in a long while I would find a new magazine and the pleasure would be renewed.

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