Of course, that was my first menstrual period. But at that age I had no idea what it was. And as I mentioned before, my parents were too prude, too traditional to talk about these things.
A few days later, when I arrived from school I noticed a couple of new books in my bookshelf in my bedroom. They were sexual education books.
I think my mother had noticed some red stains on my panties when she did the laundry and as she knows I love to read and had read all the books in the house a few times over, she figured that if she sneaked some new books in my bookshelf I would end up reading them and saving her the burden of the embarrassing, intimate mom-daughter conversation. Well, I have to give credit to my mother for this. It was a clever solution. And as she predicted, I started reading it immediately and found the explanation to my bleeding.
I also found answers to many other questions that I had and to some questions that I didn't even know that I had.
The books also became a source for more masturbation.
Of course, looking back at me at that time it sounds silly that I was masturbating looking at a cross section of a penis penetrating a vagina. But in that time, as I didn’t even know that porn was possible, that was the only visual aid that I had for the act and it excited me a lot.
I also read about virginity and its taboos, of which I knew nothing. And I found with much relief that I was lucky that I haven't inserted anything in my pussy. Not even a finger. Even though I wanted to. I don't know if I instinctively knew it was taboo or I was just lucky that I was dumb enough not to try.
Then I read about the hymen. And I didn't remember seeing something like that in my pussy. I panicked again. I grabbed the mirror and examined my pussy and found no sign of the hymen. More panic! Maybe I damaged it while masturbating. Maybe I inserted my finger without noticing. I kept reading the book and found out that some girls are born without it. I grabbed the mirror again and thought that if I had had a hymen and had damaged it, some pieces of it would remain attached to my pussy. So I concluded that I was born without. Phew! I felt relieved. And after reading about all the taboos associated with virginity and hymens, I hoped my first man will be understanding enough to believe that I was born without it.
I also read a chapter about pregnancy and contraceptives and learned that fucking is much more complicated than just having pleasure.
Then there was the chapter about sexually transmitted diseases. Yes, sex was looking more and more complicated. I need a checklist before even starting.
I also learned about other alternatives in sex:
Masturbation – Well, by then I was an expert on it.
Oral sex – I didn't know about it and made me look at the dogs sniffing and licking each other's behinds and licking their own genitalia in a new way. But it sounds interesting. I imagined a man licking my pussy. It sounded weird at first but after getting used to the idea it became exciting. Then I imagined sucking a cock. Hmm. That sounded even more exciting. Strangely, months or years later when talking to other girls they went all “Yuck!” about girls performing oral sex to a man. I thought the idea exciting. And the book confirmed that if done with the right person and in the right conditions it is exciting for both partners.
Anal sex – Wow! I never thought that was possible. It seems so tight. Maybe I must experiment a little.
Group sex – I remembered those cats under my window. So it is indeed possible for a girl to have two (or even more!) men penetrating her. Exciting. Two or more couples fucking in the same room? Wow. Exciting.
Homosexualism – Thanks, but not for me. I also started looking at those older girls who go to the bathroom together and spend an inordinate amount of time locked In there in a new way.
BDSM – No thanks. Pleasure through pain? Come on. And I wouldn't be caught dead wearing those silly leather and latex clothes that look like Batman
There was also a chapter on prostitution. Wow. So there were women making a living out of all this sexual pleasure? Having sex all day? Wow.
Well, all in all I was happy that my mother chose this way to educated me in the sex subject. I learned much more from those books than if I just had a frank conversation with her or with my friends. And I learned much more than my friends knew about it too. Not that I had many friends. In that time I was already wearing glasses and most of the kids used to call me “four eyes” or other unflattering nicknames.
In that period I was also reaching puberty earlier than the other kids in my neighborhood and school. I already had quite big breasts for that age, so the other girls looked at me like a kind of freak. And after reading those books I started to understand the looks that I was attracting form the older men.
On a side note, a few months ago my gynecologist told me that sexual activity and orgasms affect the hormonal balance of a woman’s body so I suppose that all that masturbation and orgasms helped me reach puberty earlier than others.
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I wish you would've been my neighbor growing up...two geeks with glasses would've learned about the World a whole lot easier than the crap we went through. My parents stumbled into my room one day when I was around 14, mumbled something that the other had something to say, then tossed me some Jehovah Witness literature about sex...talk about screwing me up mentally and emotionally if I would've took it word for word....thank 'God' for Playboy, Penthouse, and Hustler back then.
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I'm lucky that my parents weren't the type to push religion on me even though they were very religious.
And I'm glad they educated me through books and not through preaching.
This blog is one of the most refreshing I have read in a long while.
What you said about masturbating to those books sounds normal. We had a science book for the 7th grade that included a depiction of a male and female anatomy. It was drawn, mind you, not even a photograph. To me, oh WOW! It was an instant turn on. Then I would go to the dictionary as well, reading the description of words like Vagina, and Penis and Sex. Then there was the encyclopedia with some more sketches.
I discovered masturbation accidentally. There was a boy who sat next to me in class who talked about it, but I had no clue what he meant. But one time, I constructed something I could fuck with Styrofoam and a condom. Then, as I was fucking this contraption imagining that it was a girl, I felt this dizzy spell and for a moment coupled with blinding and sinking ecstasy. I thought I was going to pass out. So
that is how I discovered masturbation. I masturbated almost every 30 minutes, as a new found and seemingly inexhaustible source of pleasure. It was like free energy. No money required!
Your post seems cut off in this blog entry. I can only read part of it. Happened with other blogs too. Wish I can see all of it. My parents are super religeous too, and I was taught that masturbation was a sin, and you shouldn't do it. My parents didn't tell me that, just religion did. I continued masturbating, always feeling very guilty afterwards, but never stopped even though I tried to be a "good" boy.
Not to be too rude or anything, but in regards to the homosexualism-not-good-thing, at least a girl won't get pregnant if she has sex with another girl.
@ AlRanimechiic:
Have I ever said that homosexualism it not a good thing?
I just said it is not for me.
Am I not allowed to say what I like or not in my own blog?
awesome! and ps you say your country just came out of communism? which country Russia?
You say your country just came out of communism? which country would that be? Russia??
can u share more of u r experiences???
You should post the story of how you lost your virginity